So, I have decided that obviously I'm meant to live and die alone, unwed and unloved (romantically). A very vex point to come to at the early stage of my life but one which I am beginning to think is all too true.

Anyhow having decided such, and in a fit of bored insanity, I have signed onto like a billion dating sites. I figure I'm bored might as well see other lonely people and pester them because obviously they have nothing better to do doing. LOL Actually I decided I would flirt mercilessly because really, subject line not withstanding, I don't think I'm hideous to look upon. And seriously who wouldn't like to have some random strange come up to them and say "Wow you are hot and interesting. Just thought I'd let you know." Since I'm crazy (and bored) and wandering around doing the internet version of that.

In other news I HATE my new accounting class teacher. Bit of a stuck up prig if you ask me. I adore Russel Brand who I just found via the telly and its lovely bringing to me of stand-up comedy goodness. I still haven't found a job though I do have an interview tomorrow. I was tossing around the idea of working on my room, which has begun to drive me spare, but decided that throwing heavy boxes around while others are sleeping is right out. *sigh* Still can't find where all my shelves went. Hmm you know I haven't asked Murphy yet and that was his porch before it was Gryph's. I wonder if he happened to run across them somewhere. Anyhow the book shelves are useless without, you know, shelves.

Justin and I, crazy gamers that we are, have just played straight through Halo Wars in a little over a day lol with huge stops for sleep and food and the socializing with the family. It is a kickass game I highly rec to anyone who likes RTS games. On the flip side I do have to say I wish it was longer and a bit more balanced. Some of the levels were fucking cake walk and one level we got so stuck on if I had a cheat code I would have used it in a heartbeat. So the campaign mode is alright but the multi-player and online modes rock. I must say I am more then a bit pissed that you can't play co-op on one machine when the way it was advertised really made me think you could. Not sure I would have run straight out to get it if I had known that. Seriously, they want to make online co-op into some big deal when mostly it is just a gay band-aid. Oh and Justin is a gay cupcake. ^_^ *waves at Justin*.

Well it is seven am and I am wide awake. *sigh* On one hand I could try and get some sleep and wake up tired, aggravated, and at a reasonable time. Or I could stay awake, go find something useful to do and go to sleep later which should then make me well-rested but has the complete downside of fucking my schedule. I swear once I get insurance the first thing I wil do is find a sleep doctor. This is just ridiculous.

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have spent the past several days fighting with DVDit to create a dvd of a movie I wanted to watch with the family. I kept running into the same problem over and over again no matter what I did. So finally I find some obscure mention of how somebody else fixed it online and wham fixed in 2 minutes. Evidently the program FREAKS THE FUCK OUT if there is no C drive with something plugged into it. I swear to god I want to burn alive which ever IDIOT fucking program that little jewel of annoyance into the program.

Now that I have if figured out I can finally get the most out of what seems to be a stupidly powerful program that has one badly written bit of code.

*sighs* So I'm going to veg to some music for a while and just not speak for fear of screaming at someone who doesn't deserve it.

So trying to switch my schedule to something resembling "normal" is complete fail. It is just not naturally for me to sleep at night. I can go to bed at a reasonable hour, tired enough to want to sleep, and all I end up doing is tossing and turning hour after hour. This was the crappiest bit of sleep I have gotten in a while and I think I just give up for tonight. I could try and go back to sleep and maybe catch thirty more minutes before I have to get up and go with Justin to the vet's office at 7:30 or do something resembling useful work. *sigh* Great, just great.

As most of you know I'm into the occult in one form or another. Not something I bother to keep a big wobbly secret nor do I feel this makes me some grand muckity muck and better then everyone else. I'm only mentioning it now as a small preface to the following bit of weird that ran through my head. I've been watching the series Charmed lately. Not a great series but I saw some while I was sick as a dog in the hotel room and decided it would do for a bit of brain candy. I've never been much of a fan of Buffy and I haven't watched a long series in a while so there you go. It is amusing in its way. The fifth episode of the series is about some dream sorcer dude or something (I'm only part way into the episode). He has some power to go into dreams and basically fuck about and bother people. So I'm here in my room watching this and the first thought that runs through my head is "Huh it would be funny if he tried that with me." The next image is of course some dude running, screaming, in circles as he is covering in spiders and snakes and some of the other fun things I ward my room with. Really, seriously, it would be amazingly funny to watch. I have some of the most uninterrupted sleep. It is wonderful. Not to mention the whole lucid dreaming thing.

Weird guy: This is your dream but I shall hey stop changing things! Put the candle back. Ow not back there! Ow ow what the fuck... are those giant spiders? Holy shit get it off me Aghhhh!

Seo: Teehee *rolls over and goes back to sleep*

He just pushed the girl off a building to kill her. I'd fly back up and punch him the the back of the head. *chortles* Surprise bitch, I can fly.

So this is your brain on Seo. Bye now.

You must go see this if you like Jon Stewart.

Regency!Jon Stewart

So the car saga continues. My car is toast. Evidently the front frame is bent and the side wheel frame is bent. Not sure how the back wheel got bent but there you go. So I'm carless for the foreseeable future. Not sure how this effects things but I'm sure it does. Yay. I'm off to pick her up from the dealer. *sigh* They said they could fix the back wheel thing for 250 and then I could limp around on it for a while. Probably what I'm gonna end up doing. I just don't have the free cash to buy a new car.

Justin and I are home safe and sound. Now time for sleep. Updates later ^_^

So today is known as fail.

Actually the beginning part was really cool. The con ended on a good note and I got to see people I adore. I unfortunately had to say bye to them but that's how cons work.

Then it went downhill. Ben, Justin's friend, was supposed to drive him and his kitty up to Cleveland to meet me but he decided last minute he didn't want to. So I agreed to come to Columbus and meet Justin and his mom and step-father and pick up him and the kitty. Okay so bang several extra hours driving. I'm already tired but I'm a sucker and what can I say I love cats and Justin so there's an easy choice. OKay so finding him and picking him up went just fine.

So on the way home I realized that I am wiped. I'm not going to be making it home today so I should stop and get a hotel room. I'm good for a few more hours so I figured I'd stop in Pennsylvania. But as I'm driving I realize that I am right next to where the main Khep house is and so I was thinking of maybe crashing at there place. I text Michelle and get no answer and I didn't have the Khep house number so I thought Fuck it I'll just keep going. I shit you not within two minutes of me thinking that thought I get into a car accident and BAM there goes my front bumper. LOL So evidently I REALLY need to visit Khep house tonight.

So many calls later and a bit of driving I have arrived at Khep house safe and sound sans bumper with Justin and his kitten. *face palm* You know if you all wanted a visit that bad you could have just asked. LOL I can laugh because for an accident on a major highway, in the dark, on slush slick roads, we got off really easy. I mean amazing and thank the gods easy. The car is driveable and doesn't seem to have taken any damage except for the front bumper cover being torn off and the front passenger light being blown. In the morning we are going to be looking it over and making sure nothing is leaking and that nothing appears torn. It drove here and felt fine with no heater issues.

*sigh* So this is an interesting end to and interesting weekend of fail. I'm trying very hard not to think of how much this is going to cost me and how very much I don't have it right now. Seriously, I'm just happy to be here in a nice, safe, warm house with people I adore and a nice safe undamaged Justin with me cause seriously that was one of the scariest car accidents I've ever been in. I've not been in many and honestly never one this bad. Considering how light this was that says alot. It could have been worse, so fucking worse. I managed to get us away from the metal guard rail that was the first bit of target and the just bounce of a cement block which tore the bumper loose. Going back over the accident in my head there was literally nothing I could have done to make this come out better. We were headed off the highway so I wasn't going fast. I hit some nasty slush and bam there went the wheels. Luckily there were no cars near us.

Anyhow enough excitement for me tonight. I'm tired and crashing in a far more safe and sleepy sense. Night LJ.

SO I actually left my room today. I had the maids clean up which just reminds me of how much I love having maids. Not that I left them a huge mess. I was polite enough to pick up all the tissues and such before I left. They really aren't paid for that sort of thing. Well technically they are but not really. Right so I'm now super tired. I've managed to keep down the food I ingested today. Once again I started feeling better after I puked. I should just stop fighting vomiting so hard, I always feel better afterward.

I won nunchuku(sp?) at the auction here which is nice. I don't know how to use them and I doubt I'll ever learn but they are pretty and I like weapons of all forms. The dagger I REALLY wanted went to someone else but *shrugs* the money was raised for a good cause. I'm only half sure what it is but I know it is going somewhere good.

The funny part of the day was right in the beginning when I left the room. Evidently, everyone was informed that I was down sick so when I ever I ran into somebody they said some variation on "Oh you're alive" or "Oh you aren't dead". LOL It got to be hilarious after a short bit of time. Jay was telling me how he went down and listened at my door during some point to see if I was alright (why he didn't knock I didn't ask) and he decided one of two things had happened. One, I was alive but not screaming and therefore okay or two, I was dead but not screaming and therefore not a problem. LOL I love Jay. My voice is shot and I'm pretty weak but otherwise okay. I kinda want to take a quick nap before this evenings activities. I also kind of want to go swimming so um hmm not sure which I'll do. Oh other funny part of the day was during boffer weapons. Dickens was out fighting (which was cool to see) and managed to nail some dude right in the balls. HAHAHAHA I about died laughing. I spoke to him afterward about how he has managed to cause someone real damage at the con now and he was like "Yep the con is officially perfect for me right now. Done, I am happy." LOL It was fucking great.

So I've checked the schedule and nothing I care to go to is going on for a while. There is the dance later but I'm not sure I can be arsed to go. The con is fun and all but I've decided I'm really not a damned pagan anymore. I'm a freak and I like hanging out with Vampires and Otherkin but I cannot be arsed with all this religious goddess and god shit anymore. I guess my relationship with deities is my own and not up for much discussion. Plus I went to this workshop about our "shadow" side earlier today and if I heard one more person babbling about right hand path crap I was going to start punching people. *shakes head* "Rule of three whan whan whan". Please save me from these damned white lighter, nature loving, cattle. Oh and seriously this place is even worse about the whole "This is how you cast a circle. This is how you form an energy ball." Yawn. Not saying I haven't gotten into more then a few fun discussions but so far the classes really aren't for me. Plus I feel sort of bad going into these places and fucking with others world views. And the drama hasn't changed a bit. It is weird how different freak groups have different flavors of drama and those flavors never really change. *shrugs*

SO yeah I doubt I'll go to convocation next year. I have more fun at the Khep gathers and WtT. I'd rather save my money and go hang out with people who aren't freaked by such a simple concept as multiples. No lie the lady holding the Shadow Workshop like shivered and was mentioning how freaky it was to see a multiple shift. *shrugs* I think my weird-shit-o-meter is just set too high nowadays. I am having fun though.

So sleep for me.

Ever get paranoid that you aren't really wanted around? When you are upset, no one says anything. When you are sick, no one says anything. When you are around, no ones says anything really but you feel like they want to or that you are just some strange burden.

I think I need to stop being sick. It is making me paranoid. But You aren't paranoid if it is all true. Great. Perfect. Just what I need.

So I am sick as a dog. I haven't left the hotel room all day long. I don't plan on leaving for the rest of the night either. I burn myself out yesterday and it was the stupidest idea evar. I'm going to continue watching crappy TV and nibbling on the protein I ordered. Everything a power drained sick Seo needs, lots of water and a bit of protein.

So the ick very much has a hold of me making this a fairly crap last week alive. I suspect that is more normal than not no? I now have six days left. Not sure what I'm going to do today. Maybe go to the college and see people there. That will be nice. Or I might drive to Baltimore. LOL

Dictionary:

straw

  (strô)
n.

1. 1. Stalks of threshed grain, used as bedding and food for animals, for thatching, and for weaving or braiding, as into baskets.
   2. A single stalk of threshed grain.
2. Something, such as a hat or basket, made of straw.
3. A slender tube used for sucking up a liquid.
4. 1. Something of minimal value or importance.
   2. Something with too little substance to provide support in a crisis: Near the end we were grasping at straws.

adj.

1. Of, relating to, or made of straw: a straw mat.
2. Containing or used for straw, as a barn or feeding trough.
3. Of the color of straw; yellowish.
4. Having little or no value or substance; unimportant.
5. Of, relating to, or constituting a straw man.

idioms:

final (or last) straw

1. The final annoyance or setback, which even though minor makes one lose patience.

straw in the wind

1. A slight hint of something to come.

Ugh feeling very tired and grundy. Got upset yesterday and went to hang out at the college for a long while. Came home and drank myself stupid on most of a bottle of brandy. Not the most sensible thing to do but if you are going to cry for six hours straight you might as well be drinking. I need to drag myself out of bed soon and slap a smile on my face. Today is Celia's birthday and I'll be damned if I let her think for even a moment that I'm upset about anything. Speaking of which where the hell did I leave her present. Hmmmm need to locate that. *sigh* Here I go.

So it is V-Day and I opened my ValentinR which is basically a little online V-day thing where you can leave people cute little notes. First off *HUGS* To all those who sent me notes, though I must say one of you umm wow. *chuckles* I received this one in an unsigned note: "Everytime I see you all I can think is how much I want to rub you down and then spank the shit out of you." *giggles* Well um *chuckles* nothing I can say to an unsigned note but do look me up.

Anyhow I'm going to go catch some Zzzz-time and try and wake at a reasonable hour to help Jeff with the kids. ^_^ Happy V-Day!!!