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Ever make your life harder then it needs to be? LOL Ever told your housemate about it and had her shake her at at you and sigh? Yeahhhhhhh..... *cackles*
So I had a fun night last night. Well other then my car tire dying a horrible death. I need to find out in the morning if I can get it fixed or if I have to buy a new tire. I spent the night over at Wyatt's at New Paltz because i was scared to drive home on the doughnut. I ended up having to do so anyway. oh well. We celebrated Jess's (not Jesse) 21st birthday. Couldn't find a bar because they were all carding BOOOOO so we had a party in the room. It was good but I am never watching Wyatt play Half-Life while drinking again. LOL I have no control over my squeaking and he tends to die alot. *laughs* Shanti made a cake and I got to help out. It was alot of fun. I'll get a picture from her or Wyatt and post it up for all to see. It is hard to cook and bake at the college.
Came home to an empty house and crashed from the tired. I don't think anyone else is awake right now. I heard Gryph out watching TV but then I heard him go to bed before I had dragged myself out of bed. A bit sad as I don't get to hang with Gryph as much as I'd like. Our schedules are drastically different. Actually now that I think about it they are going to be even more different now that I have a new semester. Blegh. Matt goes to work soon and I will be the only one home. How weird. It so seldom happens I never quite get used to the idea. I've grown very accustomed to my family being around and while I like the quiet at times I miss them when no one is home with me. Odd for a latchkey only child but I guess I used up my quiet time when I was younger. Actually it was really hard for me to adjust in the beginning. I like it now, though it gets to me at times still, but I had no idea what to do with myself in the beginning.
I've been spending alot of time thinking and contemplating my life lately. I tend to look internally frequently but more so when my life seems to be shifting drastically. Much of my time has been spent trying not to freak or lose it over things. Our little family has been together a year and a half now (well with me being involved anyhow). It has been a tough year and a half in some regards but gorgeous in others. No I'm not about to wax poetic about my family again. You all know I'm infatuated with them. The two year mark is coming up soonish. I don't think things of this sort have ever lasted for me past two years. Things went wrong and people went crazy and I don't know. I....I...hmm so many things to say. *blinks* I guess I have enough abandonment issues to choke a large yak. I doubt hey will ever fully go away. I can deal with them and I try not to ask for reassurances too often as that probably gets annoying but I still worry. The more I think about things the deeper I get inside my own head to the root of where all these issues come from. It isn't like they are exactly hidden but forest for the trees and all that. The same thoughts meander there way through my head all the time. I know the only thing that will really help is time and I have lots of that. I have the time to let things blossom and flow where they will. I will admit to wanting things quicker as I have almost no patience but I know that some things need time. As much as I worry I also don't. I have this horrible deep seated trust that things will go alright in my life. Maybe not moment to moment but overall things get better constantly. It is funny to look back at my life and the crap I've gone through and to admit to being fully sure that the gods take care of me and push me towards a good life. Ugh what a horrible sticky statement to admit to. You didn't hear me say that shhhhhhh!
So yeah worrier that I am I'm just gonna try and not do so. Things will go where they need to. I can try to go where I want but I have just found my life takes me where I need to go even if it isn't where I wanted to go. Maybe things won't work out how I want them to. Maybe I could make my life easier. Maybe I'll never be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat but things will go where they need to and hopefully work out in a way that makes as many people happy as possible. I'll keep worrying and keep doing what I do and just try to enjoy the ride while I'm here.
So I had a fun night last night. Well other then my car tire dying a horrible death. I need to find out in the morning if I can get it fixed or if I have to buy a new tire. I spent the night over at Wyatt's at New Paltz because i was scared to drive home on the doughnut. I ended up having to do so anyway. oh well. We celebrated Jess's (not Jesse) 21st birthday. Couldn't find a bar because they were all carding BOOOOO so we had a party in the room. It was good but I am never watching Wyatt play Half-Life while drinking again. LOL I have no control over my squeaking and he tends to die alot. *laughs* Shanti made a cake and I got to help out. It was alot of fun. I'll get a picture from her or Wyatt and post it up for all to see. It is hard to cook and bake at the college.
Came home to an empty house and crashed from the tired. I don't think anyone else is awake right now. I heard Gryph out watching TV but then I heard him go to bed before I had dragged myself out of bed. A bit sad as I don't get to hang with Gryph as much as I'd like. Our schedules are drastically different. Actually now that I think about it they are going to be even more different now that I have a new semester. Blegh. Matt goes to work soon and I will be the only one home. How weird. It so seldom happens I never quite get used to the idea. I've grown very accustomed to my family being around and while I like the quiet at times I miss them when no one is home with me. Odd for a latchkey only child but I guess I used up my quiet time when I was younger. Actually it was really hard for me to adjust in the beginning. I like it now, though it gets to me at times still, but I had no idea what to do with myself in the beginning.
I've been spending alot of time thinking and contemplating my life lately. I tend to look internally frequently but more so when my life seems to be shifting drastically. Much of my time has been spent trying not to freak or lose it over things. Our little family has been together a year and a half now (well with me being involved anyhow). It has been a tough year and a half in some regards but gorgeous in others. No I'm not about to wax poetic about my family again. You all know I'm infatuated with them. The two year mark is coming up soonish. I don't think things of this sort have ever lasted for me past two years. Things went wrong and people went crazy and I don't know. I....I...hmm so many things to say. *blinks* I guess I have enough abandonment issues to choke a large yak. I doubt hey will ever fully go away. I can deal with them and I try not to ask for reassurances too often as that probably gets annoying but I still worry. The more I think about things the deeper I get inside my own head to the root of where all these issues come from. It isn't like they are exactly hidden but forest for the trees and all that. The same thoughts meander there way through my head all the time. I know the only thing that will really help is time and I have lots of that. I have the time to let things blossom and flow where they will. I will admit to wanting things quicker as I have almost no patience but I know that some things need time. As much as I worry I also don't. I have this horrible deep seated trust that things will go alright in my life. Maybe not moment to moment but overall things get better constantly. It is funny to look back at my life and the crap I've gone through and to admit to being fully sure that the gods take care of me and push me towards a good life. Ugh what a horrible sticky statement to admit to. You didn't hear me say that shhhhhhh!
So yeah worrier that I am I'm just gonna try and not do so. Things will go where they need to. I can try to go where I want but I have just found my life takes me where I need to go even if it isn't where I wanted to go. Maybe things won't work out how I want them to. Maybe I could make my life easier. Maybe I'll never be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat but things will go where they need to and hopefully work out in a way that makes as many people happy as possible. I'll keep worrying and keep doing what I do and just try to enjoy the ride while I'm here.
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