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[seorgia]

So I'm outside on the front porch right now just sitting here chillin' with my guard puppy. I just took her out from her evening bathroom break and I decided to stop and enjoy the night air. While sitting here I was struck by an overwhelming feeling of contentment. I know I talk about my family a lot and you are all probably sick of hearing about them. If so I'm sorry to hear that, as I suspect I will always talk about them a lot because they all just amaze me so.

As I was saying I was sitting here on the porch and I finally realized I was home. I'm sure I'll have lots of moments like this over my lifetime and each one will be special. Tonight's was all about sitting here on the porch with my little guard puppy at my side and beginning to doze off quite happily. I feel safe here at my home. I feel I can fall asleep on the porch and everything will be okay. I will wake up and things will be alright. I know that if something goes wrong there is a house-load of people behind me waiting to back me up. I can look out from my porch and everything I can see is ours. I'm sure that everyone feels this way about their house and home but it doesn't make it any less special for me.

I mean yes, there are bad times. We get in fights. Some of them quite loud and some of them quite ugly. We get on each other nerves. We want to strangle one another. But more often then any of that we spend the nights laughing like loons over something inconsequential. I cannot count the number of nights when this house has been filled to the brim with wicked loud laughter. Or the number of times I have smiled while out and about remembering some silly joke we have running. Or the times I've raced home so I could tell someone about my day or share that funny story or just in order to get home quicker.

I spent a large portion of my life moving. From the moment I was born until 8 years old I had at least 7 different addresses. Age 9 was spent in Arizona. Years 10 through 13 were spent off in Michigan and Cally going back and forth between warring parents. Then it was off to Cape Cod, MA until 16. Then back and forth between New Mexico and Massachusetts for a few years. Then to Omaha, NE. Then finally to NY where I moved around into a few different houses. Then finally to here.

This place was never supposed to be my home. It was a stop over point on my wander through life but it has become one. Every time I wake up and hear my screaming children or loud ass housemates it becomes more of one. Every time the day starts to Kae waking me up to some yummy breakfast I'm a little happier inside. Seeing Charlie grow up is amazing. Being crawled on by the Besterkids painful and spectacular. Going to all their little school things well all sorts of cool.

I expect we will have our share of problems. We are not a normal family and it is going to be difficult to figure out where we are going at times. There will be fights and tears and anger and maybe even some will leave and others will come home. I will eventually marry and he/she/they will be added into our household changing it even more. There will be new children and grandchildren. New friends and old visiting. Pets living and dying and taking over the household at times. But through it all I think our household will stand. It is different, complex and oh so beautiful. Sometimes things don't happen the way you think they will. Sometimes the places you stop for a day or a month or a year are the places you end up staying. Sometimes on nights like these, cold and dark with the chill of fall in the air, it is good to just sit out on your porch with your guard puppy watching the stars dance and dreaming the dreams you never thought you'd be able to have.

Comments

[nounsandverbs]

Kumori's a guard puppy? What does she guard -- Charlie's food?

"No one can eat this food! Not even the baby! It's my food!"

:P

[seorgia.livejournal.com]

She is too a guard puppy. She guarded Charlie the other day when she thought Murphy was hurting him. And well she guards ...things.... She um just gets a little confused about guarding verses eating the baby's food. She is a baby herself. And she barks at things like um squirrels and scary bits of fluff. Very ferocious!

[nounsandverbs]

Don't forget her tail.

"No problem, folks! I got the tail thing covered! I'm not letting the ferocious tail out of my sight! Oh -- I fell down."

[seorgia.livejournal.com]

LOL Yeah she has the evil tail guarding down pat. *hangs head* Our dog is a moron. I know that's kind of a redundant thought but damn. K was telling me the other day when she was in crazy puppy mode she ran full force into a wall, then got up and kept running. I'm not sure whether I should applaud or cry. *chuckles*

[11th-letter.livejournal.com]

I never get sick of hearing it.
I love you so much you would make fun of me if I told you. And that would make me laugh and then I would love you even more.

[seorgia.livejournal.com]

:p I hear you out on the porch. Bwhaha maybe I will invade!

[gryphon-m.livejournal.com]

I get that feeling to... and I never get sick of feeling it or hearing about it. In fact, it is real good for me o hear it myself right about now.

The other night I was watching some stupid movie and it ended with a bit of exposition by the main character... he spoke about how nothing is permanent and all is transitory. It hit me hard because it made me think of my own life.

Life was pretty stable when I was growing up... but my adult years have been less so. I got married young, but I was always taught that when you got married... that was it. If you had problems, you worked them out. Then my first wife left me. Then I had a number of migrational years where nothing was stable from one year to the next. Then I got married again and that did not last either. Add to that this latest incident with Kieran and I am very afraid of losing what I have... still wondering when the other shoe will drop.

At the same time, I believe in you all. It is a bitter war that goes on inside my head.

[seorgia.livejournal.com]

I left out all the times were I thought I had a family and then it all blew up in my face. I would like to say this place is different and special and will never fall apart - but I can't. I think it is different. I think things will work out. I'm betting my life and happiness on you all and I think the odds are good. I think we do have something special and different. I think I will be on that porch with K when we are old and gray. I believe in this place. Can I guarantee it? No, but I can believe in it and so can you. I think we should. Maybe we'll be disappointed again but I'd rather hope that we won't be. Life without hope is just a bit pointless and boring. The war goes on in my head every day. Every time when I see something that reminds me of before. All I can do, all you can do, is remember that this is different and maybe that will be enough.