Insomnia strikes again

Yes it is midnight and I'm awake. It doesn't seem late but I've been in bed for over an hour now and I do believe I am actually slowly becoming more awake and less tired. There are days I hate my life. Actually today so isn't one of those. I had a good day being hyper and freaky. Saw Jesse for a while, talk to Jenn for a while, pretty sure I aced an exam I made-up today. Oh crap I just realized I forgot to finish the last question of my economics homework. Whoops. Oh well. So mostly today was good. I spoke with my adviser and got my avn so I can register my classes online next week. I picked up car parts and I'm going to fix my car tomorrow. I had a very productive and happy day. I still rather miss Wyatt and Shanti. I miss having more people to pester on campus to hangout with me. Blegh everyone was busy today with papers and class. Very annoying but understandable.

I probably had too much caffeine today. It really doesn't effect my sleep patterns. They are so fucked up that very little hinders or helps them. I'm running super anemic today. I had to run to the store on my way home and pick up some lamb and beef before I chewed my cheek apart. We really just don't eat enough iron rich foods at the house for my system and I'm thinking I'm gonna need to start scheduling a more solid switch out for myself. I crash and crash hard when it gets too low. Unfortunately I have about three separate conditions which cause anemia. Yay super anemia. I had to avoid buying the whole meat section while I was in the store today. It was sad lol. I get really weird when the iron in my blood drops low or I haven't had enough red meat lately. I know you can get it from other sources but it seriously only seems to stick for me if I have rare (and I mean rare) bloody red meat. If I haven't had that for a while I get hungry in a very specific way. This also coincides with other more interesting symptoms I believe I will not write about in an open forum. *wicked grinz*

Bugger I'm never gonna get to sleep. Grrrrrr.

Insomnia and saying goodbye

To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~George Lansdowne

How do you say goodbye to someone? What special things do you need to say and what can you leave go? Goodbyes are the hardest thing in the world. To condense down all that feeling into a few simple words seems so impossible. There are times when you must do it, there is no other choice; but what do you say?

"I miss you. I'll always miss you." Are these good things? How do you write a goodbye? I think you put everything you are and ever have been on the page in as few words as possible. You lay it all out and you give everything because goodbyes can be forever. This is the last thing they will have of you. Goodbyes aren't always bad. I guess I like closure in my life a lot. Or maybe I just always have something more to say later. I just need to say goodbye that one last time because sometimes that's all there is left to do.

So I wrote my goodbye and now I'm sending it. I'm gonna miss people. I'm gonna miss um a lot but sometimes goodbye is okay. Not happy but okay.

Funny how the world boils down to okay. You wake up as a child and you think the world will be happy and ecstatic but it isn't. Happiness is a split second of wonderful and an hours of work.

LOL this isn't an emo post though I can see where it rather reads like one. I'm really okay right now. I'm sad but not broken just a bit sad. It is okay to be sad. So many people want to cover up when they are sad. We are a culture built upon the idea that you must be happy and if you aren't happy something is wrong and here is a little pill to fix it. Now I take some of those pills but they make the chemicals in my brain normal. I'm not happy all the time. I can be sad and hurt and depressed but to a normal level and that is okay. Right now I'm .... I'm good. I take pains to move my life forward over every bump and hurtle. I fall down and scrap my knees and as long as I pick myself up and keep going I count that as a win. I'm not going to end in first place but I don't care.

So yeah I'm okay. I'm sad and I'm really missing people in my life who have gone away or who are going away. Funny how many people come and go in you life over a period of time. I'm only 26 and there are so many holes where people used to be. I never stop missing them but it fades to the back of my head. I don't think you should stop missing people. If you are important to me you'll always be important to me and I'll always miss you even if you aren't around and can't be around.

So *raises glass* here's to the people I miss. Everyone who is gone from me, everyone I don't see much, everyone I see all the time but wish I could see more, everyone I've ever loved just a little bit. I hope your lives are good and happy because that's what we strive for everyday and that's what you should live for.

Wicked this way. c-....nope no wicked this way

I'm awake and laughing at stupid things on the internet and trying not to go find something bloody to devour.

LOL I feel utterly wicked and like going and doing something evil..... *sigh* Unfortunately it is 3:30 in the morning and the best I could do is watch TV or read slash. *ponders* I must have evil damn you!!!!!!! Evil I say!!! ......evil baked goods?

*facepalms*

(no subject)

And the family stuff continues.

*sigh*