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I'm going to get this post out because I'm in better control than this.
Today went fairly well. I missed my first period class by sleeping through my alarm. I'm buying two new ones this week. Three should wake me. Then I met up with Wyatt, Jesse, Jay, and Ethan and watched the guys lay Halo 3. The other besides Wyatt had to leave and then Shanti showed up and there was much Rock Bandness. Then we gamed. Game was mostly fun. The reason I say mostly is what brought up the topic at hand. Anger. Specifically my own. One of my friends said something which pissed me off, nothing huge and we have since resolved matters but this all got me to thinking.
How do you react to anger? Now I feel there are many different types of anger and each will get a different reaction out of me based on a few factors. Namely if the person was trying to piss me off, how much I like the person, whether or not this is a habit of theirs, and whether I feel I'm over-reacting. Generally if you piss me off I go quiet. Actually going quiet for me just means I have some strong reaction that I'm trying to figure out. That or sometimes if I'm tired but mostly the latter. It is my opinion that if I cannot control myself and my anger then I should not be handling the situation at present. This only holds true for anger caused by my friends and not always then. If you push me too far I will go off on you and it isn't exactly a pretty sight. Now this quiet isn't the passive-aggressive sort (which I fucking hate) at least I don't feel it is. I'm not doing this in some childish act of "I'm not talking to you lalalalala". I usually go quiet when I fear for my control and I don't feel blowing up at the person is warranted. If possible and depending on how badly you've managed to piss me off I will remove myself from the situation entirely. I will go somewhere and cool off. Hopefully I'll go find someone to make me laugh. If you can get me truly laughing and amused I'll seldom stay angry all that long. Later on, when I've gotten myself controlled and figured out why you angered me, I will come back either completely recovered having let the incident go or ready to have a conversation with you about what happened. I don't believe in holding things in and letting things pile up. If you are my friend then you probably want my life to be happy just like I want yours to be happy so you will probably want to talk things over. If you don't know what you did there isn't any way you or I can fix the situation so I believe in full disclosure. I might believe in mind readers but I don't expect my friends to be them.
It takes a lot to truly get me going though, at least I think it does. I try to be fairly laid back about the world. Shit happens and sometimes people piss you off. Hell if you are my friend I expect you to piss me off and for me to do the same to you. Relationships aren't about everything being perfect all the time for me. I expect some fireworks and enjoy them. I like people with backbones and strong opinions. No, I don't want you snapping at me all the time but it happens so don't worry about it. And yes I'm speaking to the individual I had a disagreement with earlier in the evening though this entire post is not aimed at them, this evening just happened to spark the thought. (You are such a prat too bad I love you anyways *snugs* ^_~)
Those are some my feelings on anger. I think it is a healthy emotion though like all things to be had only in moderation. I know I act angry frequently. Usually I'm just annoyed at the world or even more often faking it because it is an easy default for me to fall back on. You can only live angry for so many years before it becomes an easy place to fall back onto. That and I'm an arrogant bastard who thinks poorly of much of the world. Okay also a lie but yeah.
What does all of this have to do with regret? A great deal actually. A long time ago I read some article in a chick mag about how women are trained to say "I'm sorry" all the time and take the blame for things. This got me to thinking about myself and my life and lead me to one of my fundamental moral beliefs- I don't believe in regrets. I think that you should live life to the fullest and be happy with who and what you are. A life full of regrets is a life wasted. I may not be happy with every road I've taken but I stand by any and every decision I've made. Not because I'm a god (which I am but that is besides the point) but because I like the person I have become.
I don't know, maybe if I liked my life less I would believe in regrets but I just don't see what they gain you. So you fucked up, learn and move on. My life hasn't been some magical bed of roses, hell I doubt anyone's life has been but it was my life. I made my choices and I happened to be stupid lucky enough to end up here with my magnificent family surrounded by loving friends. But they were all my choices to make. If I look back on my life there are other roads I could have taken. Roads maybe easier that lead me somewhere else. Do i think I'm perfect? Hell no, but I don't think that regretting my life gets me anywhere better.
This leads me to the phrase "I'm Sorry". I don't use it very often which sounds really fucking horrible I know. It isn't that I'm perfect or that I don't think there is a place for it in this world. It is more that I try to live my life as honest as possible. This generally equals the fact that I'm just not going to say I'm sorry if I'm not. Since I don't really do the whole regret thing, which seems intrinsically part of being sorry, I seldom find a place where being sorry fits. I also think the phrase is so over used as to have no meaning anymore. It would be nice if there was another phrase like it for times when you feel someone's pain as your own but that doesn't sound as stupid as that. Like their dog died. I hate saying I'm sorry. I didn't kill the fucking dog. Unless I did and it was an accident then yes I would say I'm sorry. Sorry for accidents is fine. Sorry for being a purposeful dickhead is not fine. You did it on purpose own up to it. (And no I'm NOT speaking about the incident from earlier this evening stop being so paranoid you prat)
I guess this all boils down to owning up to your life. You fuck up guess what, sorry won't fix it. Clean up your mess and move on. Don't regret your life out of existence. Sometimes things suck, you grow, you change, and then you keep going. You get angry and lose control you fix your shit. I deal with this by not losing my head. I wish more people did. Maybe I could handle things better. Maybe I get angry when I shouldn't but I'm human and there isn't much I can do besides try and do better. I try and that is more then many people do. I may not succeed but when I'm old and making crude bukakke jokes out on my porch with Kae I'll know I did the best I could with my life. Fuck regrets, who needs um.
LOL this post has turned out completely opposite of where it was when I was composing it in the car. The anger part was supposed to be like two line and the regret part much longer. Oh well I think I got the gist of what I wanted down.
Today went fairly well. I missed my first period class by sleeping through my alarm. I'm buying two new ones this week. Three should wake me. Then I met up with Wyatt, Jesse, Jay, and Ethan and watched the guys lay Halo 3. The other besides Wyatt had to leave and then Shanti showed up and there was much Rock Bandness. Then we gamed. Game was mostly fun. The reason I say mostly is what brought up the topic at hand. Anger. Specifically my own. One of my friends said something which pissed me off, nothing huge and we have since resolved matters but this all got me to thinking.
How do you react to anger? Now I feel there are many different types of anger and each will get a different reaction out of me based on a few factors. Namely if the person was trying to piss me off, how much I like the person, whether or not this is a habit of theirs, and whether I feel I'm over-reacting. Generally if you piss me off I go quiet. Actually going quiet for me just means I have some strong reaction that I'm trying to figure out. That or sometimes if I'm tired but mostly the latter. It is my opinion that if I cannot control myself and my anger then I should not be handling the situation at present. This only holds true for anger caused by my friends and not always then. If you push me too far I will go off on you and it isn't exactly a pretty sight. Now this quiet isn't the passive-aggressive sort (which I fucking hate) at least I don't feel it is. I'm not doing this in some childish act of "I'm not talking to you lalalalala". I usually go quiet when I fear for my control and I don't feel blowing up at the person is warranted. If possible and depending on how badly you've managed to piss me off I will remove myself from the situation entirely. I will go somewhere and cool off. Hopefully I'll go find someone to make me laugh. If you can get me truly laughing and amused I'll seldom stay angry all that long. Later on, when I've gotten myself controlled and figured out why you angered me, I will come back either completely recovered having let the incident go or ready to have a conversation with you about what happened. I don't believe in holding things in and letting things pile up. If you are my friend then you probably want my life to be happy just like I want yours to be happy so you will probably want to talk things over. If you don't know what you did there isn't any way you or I can fix the situation so I believe in full disclosure. I might believe in mind readers but I don't expect my friends to be them.
It takes a lot to truly get me going though, at least I think it does. I try to be fairly laid back about the world. Shit happens and sometimes people piss you off. Hell if you are my friend I expect you to piss me off and for me to do the same to you. Relationships aren't about everything being perfect all the time for me. I expect some fireworks and enjoy them. I like people with backbones and strong opinions. No, I don't want you snapping at me all the time but it happens so don't worry about it. And yes I'm speaking to the individual I had a disagreement with earlier in the evening though this entire post is not aimed at them, this evening just happened to spark the thought. (You are such a prat too bad I love you anyways *snugs* ^_~)
Those are some my feelings on anger. I think it is a healthy emotion though like all things to be had only in moderation. I know I act angry frequently. Usually I'm just annoyed at the world or even more often faking it because it is an easy default for me to fall back on. You can only live angry for so many years before it becomes an easy place to fall back onto. That and I'm an arrogant bastard who thinks poorly of much of the world. Okay also a lie but yeah.
What does all of this have to do with regret? A great deal actually. A long time ago I read some article in a chick mag about how women are trained to say "I'm sorry" all the time and take the blame for things. This got me to thinking about myself and my life and lead me to one of my fundamental moral beliefs- I don't believe in regrets. I think that you should live life to the fullest and be happy with who and what you are. A life full of regrets is a life wasted. I may not be happy with every road I've taken but I stand by any and every decision I've made. Not because I'm a god (which I am but that is besides the point) but because I like the person I have become.
I don't know, maybe if I liked my life less I would believe in regrets but I just don't see what they gain you. So you fucked up, learn and move on. My life hasn't been some magical bed of roses, hell I doubt anyone's life has been but it was my life. I made my choices and I happened to be stupid lucky enough to end up here with my magnificent family surrounded by loving friends. But they were all my choices to make. If I look back on my life there are other roads I could have taken. Roads maybe easier that lead me somewhere else. Do i think I'm perfect? Hell no, but I don't think that regretting my life gets me anywhere better.
This leads me to the phrase "I'm Sorry". I don't use it very often which sounds really fucking horrible I know. It isn't that I'm perfect or that I don't think there is a place for it in this world. It is more that I try to live my life as honest as possible. This generally equals the fact that I'm just not going to say I'm sorry if I'm not. Since I don't really do the whole regret thing, which seems intrinsically part of being sorry, I seldom find a place where being sorry fits. I also think the phrase is so over used as to have no meaning anymore. It would be nice if there was another phrase like it for times when you feel someone's pain as your own but that doesn't sound as stupid as that. Like their dog died. I hate saying I'm sorry. I didn't kill the fucking dog. Unless I did and it was an accident then yes I would say I'm sorry. Sorry for accidents is fine. Sorry for being a purposeful dickhead is not fine. You did it on purpose own up to it. (And no I'm NOT speaking about the incident from earlier this evening stop being so paranoid you prat)
I guess this all boils down to owning up to your life. You fuck up guess what, sorry won't fix it. Clean up your mess and move on. Don't regret your life out of existence. Sometimes things suck, you grow, you change, and then you keep going. You get angry and lose control you fix your shit. I deal with this by not losing my head. I wish more people did. Maybe I could handle things better. Maybe I get angry when I shouldn't but I'm human and there isn't much I can do besides try and do better. I try and that is more then many people do. I may not succeed but when I'm old and making crude bukakke jokes out on my porch with Kae I'll know I did the best I could with my life. Fuck regrets, who needs um.
LOL this post has turned out completely opposite of where it was when I was composing it in the car. The anger part was supposed to be like two line and the regret part much longer. Oh well I think I got the gist of what I wanted down.
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