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So while driving for lunch today I noticed my wrist and how it attaches to my arm. A funny thing to notice I know but it is what caught my attention. I have over the past few months slowly but surely been losing weight. I have not been dieting or any of that nonsense but I have been more active, happier, and eating a bit better; namely more often. So today I was sitting in line waiting for lunch looking at how my body has been changing. It is both terrifying and gratifying all at once. I was looking at how my arm is smaller and seems weirdly longer. The sun was bright and my skin always looks spectacular under its rays and my wrist was bent and the way the arm met hand was just oddly beautiful. I don’t know why I am even typing this truly odd thought but it was something that struck me earlier and I felt oddly compelled to share my new gain appreciation for myself and my body.
I have a very odd sense of self-esteem, it is simultaneously very high and very low. I have no problems believing myself to be beautiful. I do have problems believing anyone else would think that or even like me in such a way though I’ve never wanted for lovers if I had any interest in obtaining one. I do not believe myself to be special or all that interesting. I am in fact rather shy and I don’t share truly personal things easily or often. The fact that what I do share others might consider personal has no baring on what is truly important to me and so it leaves people with a false sense of knowing me at times. I can count on one hand the number of people that have heard anything pertaining to my father beyond that he liked to take me fishing. That is personal. Only part of it has to do with me not trusting people with personal knowledge, most of it goes back to my disbelief that anyone would be interested in such things; as well as my inability to fit truly personal things into a conversation.
I’m not sure why I’ve bothered to type all this out beyond that’s what I use my livejournal for, to type random things that come into my head. It is almost time for me to go home from work. The sun is shining again and I must soon head to bellydancing class. I do believe I shall have fun even if I would rather just go home. I will enjoy it once I am there I’m sure.
My day was fairly good. I have been very productive today.
Time Stamped.
9:58-
Fucking tired. Had a bad night for going to actual sleep. I can’t wait to move. Half of why I couldn’t sleep was me going over and over different things in my head. Then waking up was painful because it was cold and I was tired. Never a good mixture. Watched most of season 3 of Good Eats last night. I was such a glutton but oh was it good. Yum. I of course didn’t get anything done I needed done. But oh well that’s what Thursday is going to be for. *sighs* Back to work ::whip crack::
10:33-
Some lovely and terrible things are happening at work. I do believe someone or other is going on strike in another city which will be affecting us here. This is bad. Not that I fully understand it all as I am quite obviously not in the loop on this one. Work now.
1:19-
Did extra project for Tammy. Looks like the strike thing is going to be really bad news. Almost done with DSM V. Yay, so happy. Maybe I should eat something food like soon. Have belly dancing tonight. Kinda not in the mood to go. Gonna go anyhow. Will enjoy it once there.
3:20-
Just tried to take sip of water from stapler. Hmmm mind wandered elsewhere I guess.
3:58-
Distracted by eye candy. Sometimes I love my job immensely. Finished DSM V. Life is good. No Idea where I’m going to put the next two DSM’s papers. Hmmm more cleaning is now a necessity. Mmmm the sun in from the window is warm. I wish I could stretch out on the desk and not move for a while. Mmmmm warm. 1.5 DSM’s left. May finish earlier then expected.
5:11-
Discovered DSM Q is not as far along as I thought. *sighs* Oh well more work.
5:54-
Hell yeah going to BD class in like two mins.
I have a very odd sense of self-esteem, it is simultaneously very high and very low. I have no problems believing myself to be beautiful. I do have problems believing anyone else would think that or even like me in such a way though I’ve never wanted for lovers if I had any interest in obtaining one. I do not believe myself to be special or all that interesting. I am in fact rather shy and I don’t share truly personal things easily or often. The fact that what I do share others might consider personal has no baring on what is truly important to me and so it leaves people with a false sense of knowing me at times. I can count on one hand the number of people that have heard anything pertaining to my father beyond that he liked to take me fishing. That is personal. Only part of it has to do with me not trusting people with personal knowledge, most of it goes back to my disbelief that anyone would be interested in such things; as well as my inability to fit truly personal things into a conversation.
I’m not sure why I’ve bothered to type all this out beyond that’s what I use my livejournal for, to type random things that come into my head. It is almost time for me to go home from work. The sun is shining again and I must soon head to bellydancing class. I do believe I shall have fun even if I would rather just go home. I will enjoy it once I am there I’m sure.
My day was fairly good. I have been very productive today.
Time Stamped.
9:58-
Fucking tired. Had a bad night for going to actual sleep. I can’t wait to move. Half of why I couldn’t sleep was me going over and over different things in my head. Then waking up was painful because it was cold and I was tired. Never a good mixture. Watched most of season 3 of Good Eats last night. I was such a glutton but oh was it good. Yum. I of course didn’t get anything done I needed done. But oh well that’s what Thursday is going to be for. *sighs* Back to work ::whip crack::
10:33-
Some lovely and terrible things are happening at work. I do believe someone or other is going on strike in another city which will be affecting us here. This is bad. Not that I fully understand it all as I am quite obviously not in the loop on this one. Work now.
1:19-
Did extra project for Tammy. Looks like the strike thing is going to be really bad news. Almost done with DSM V. Yay, so happy. Maybe I should eat something food like soon. Have belly dancing tonight. Kinda not in the mood to go. Gonna go anyhow. Will enjoy it once there.
3:20-
Just tried to take sip of water from stapler. Hmmm mind wandered elsewhere I guess.
3:58-
Distracted by eye candy. Sometimes I love my job immensely. Finished DSM V. Life is good. No Idea where I’m going to put the next two DSM’s papers. Hmmm more cleaning is now a necessity. Mmmm the sun in from the window is warm. I wish I could stretch out on the desk and not move for a while. Mmmmm warm. 1.5 DSM’s left. May finish earlier then expected.
5:11-
Discovered DSM Q is not as far along as I thought. *sighs* Oh well more work.
5:54-
Hell yeah going to BD class in like two mins.
