seorgia: (Emotion: Sadness)
( Aug. 23rd, 2008 03:45 am)
The fall semester at New Paltz starts tomorrow and I won't be there. I ran when maybe I should have stayed but that was my choice. I'm sure I'll wander back to campus at some point to visit a couple of friends but I suspect a large part of my time will be spent avoiding people. Not what I would have wanted but the world turns and the best you can do is hold on and move with it. I've been thinking alot about that lately. What I really want to do with myself and my life. Where I really feel like going. I think everyone with a brain in their head thinks about such things no matter how old they are. My mom's friend Tony did a tarot reading on me a long time ago and said that I would struggle but by the time I hit 30 things would be looking good and I would be okay. I suppose I do struggle though most of the time I don't think I have the right too. My life is good and wonderful and yet I flounder around a bird wounded by the air itself. I should be something I'm not and I try to reach the summit only to skitter back down. Maybe It is just being sick that has me down. The past two weeks have been not very nice to me and yet things still work out okay. Even in the middle of losing my pet and everything else I try to remember all the ways things have still worked out.

I guess I'm just still mourning things that will never be and worlds that have died through my own inactivity. Being sad is a natural and normal part of life. I'm okay with it I suppose but nonetheless I wish I was happy instead.
.

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