So today I started cleaning my room again. It had never gotten really cleaned properly since the move and I want to go back through the boxes and throw away all the crap I don't need. Try and cut the amount I have to move down by like half or something.

I came across in my cleaning one of my old hardbound diaries I have had since I was 15 nearly ten years. Amazing what one writes down and what changes have been wrought over that period of time. I wrote off and on again in it (couple times a year maybe more) til 2001 right before I was to move out here to stay with my new family Ten Clan *sardonic grin*. Funny as hell no? Then nothing until todays entry. (yes I couldn't resist adding a bit I probably will when evere I run across it)


I know I have been saying latly that I am the happiest I have ever been for a long time maybe ever, the most content with my life and myself. And since almost none of you have know me as long as I've had this book no one could really be a judge of that besides me and I'm almost too close to tell. But you know what I was right and it makes me feel even more hmmm not smug but maybe damned proud of things. I had to struggle damn hard to get where I am today. Where I am isn't perfect and it may not even look like much to the outsider but all I can say is, you didn't see what I came from. Not that I can from some horrible beginnings. I have lived in some less then nice places I have been in some less then nice places mentally and maybe to others this battle which I fought almost entirely internally means nothing. But to me it means something. To me it means a whole lot. There's alot left undone and alot more I need yet to do but I have done some of it. I truly haven't been lying I was right I am better both internally as well as externally. I can succeed atleast part way and I haven't been wasting these past few years of my life. So what if it tastes me another year to get into the rad tech program, am I in a race? Nope. I may never be thin and beautiful. Oh well. I may move every few years never staying one place long. Making more and more friends which I see not as often as I want but damned do I love all of my friends and I wouldn't trade even one of them away. They all mean something special to me even if I talk to them once a year or less. They are important none the less.


As such my decision is made. I'm moving to warwick come this fall if they'll still have my whinging stubborn ass. I may be skittish but never doubt my commitment. I'll figure out the details as soon as I can but that's where I want to go and if things fall apart I'll deal. I've dealt with it before and I know I'm strong enough to survive. But I also think I'm strong enough and stubborn enough as well as the others involved that I may not have to. Atleast not for a long long while. Lifes a ride hold on tight.

From: [identity profile] featheredfrog.livejournal.com


Didn't realize you were tenclan. Does this mean we can't friend each other's journals now? ;)

From: [identity profile] featheredfrog.livejournal.com


that was a wink.

I'm (longtime) friends with foxie. I was present for most of the problems between the Rego Park folks and the Albany-Area folks, with a touch of the issues between Rego and Brooklyn, too.

I'm still friends with everybody...
ext_52277: (Default)

From: [identity profile] seorgia.livejournal.com


Ahh *nods* no that wouldn't stop me. I thought that shit went on for far too long and still goes on for far too long. I have said as much many times it is not a secret or news. Have you done anything I should no about? If not dont worry about it.

Besides the fact I'm not exactly talking with most of my erstwhile family right now anyhow. Or well I stopped talking with exactly one of them and the rest haven't talked with me much since.

*shrugs*

From: [identity profile] featheredfrog.livejournal.com


fine with me! Will you be going to the Iron Anniversary?

From: [identity profile] auntiegrizelda.livejournal.com


I hear that. 'Specially the part behind the cut. I'm just getting to that point. Hit me like a brick wall right after David kicked me out. Where I'm going isn't important...it's how I got there.

I think you're dead gorgeous, and I'm not just saying that. I want your confidence, and that makes you hot.

From: [identity profile] ioldanach.livejournal.com


Sure, come on down. Go to the college program you were accepted for and work on them from the inside. Its much easier to change majors/programs once you're in than to get in from the outside.

From: [identity profile] animelily.livejournal.com


Not interesting? P'shah~ Nothing not interesting about happiness and growth.

Though I have no idea where Warwark is...
.

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