seorgia: (Silly: Painted Seo)
( Nov. 16th, 2008 02:04 am)
Tonight I went out with part of my New Paltz group to go Contra dancing. At least I think that is what it is called. It is like if Swing dancing and Square dancing had a strange energetic bastard love child. It was fun. There was also the strange moment when I realized, to borrow a phrase, that I was the lone drop of black ink in a sea of milk. Yeah welcome to crazy hippy Mormon white folks dancing. I did get bored half way through because while I had fun it isn't the type of dancing I prefer. So I wandered off to sit outside and enjoy the night air while others kept dancing. Than I got bored with that and wandered in and started waltzing with a friend. All in all we had a fucking blast. The dancing folks are trying to get together people in New Paltz to help start dancing there to which I may be pestered into helping with. There is a meeting at noon tomorrow which I may be dragged too. I like helping organize things but noon is so frigging early for me. Now we just need to find a club in the NP area that we can go dance properly at. Swinging around and about is lots of fun and all but I want my hard industrial techno goth gay goodness.

One of the five of us who went out was this new kid named John who I think Owen dragged into our strange group. He is a nice kid and kinda cute. He is another theater major and a real sweetheart. Some of the curliest hair I've ever seen on anyone. He tried to teach me how to waltz which was hilarious. No feet were harmed during the course of our dance so all was well. I'm more used to leading than following so it was really strange but fun.

The only very small weird spot was when the troubles of February past came up in conversation quite randomly. It is a little weird being told what happened by someone who by all rights should even know there was something that went down. Fairly accurate rumors as well. I'm a little curious now about it and I'm going to pin Owen down to find out who he was talking to. Haha pin Owen down, ahh pleasant thoughts. Anyhow that was a little weird, okay more than a little.

Speaking of people talking about me, the idea of which is always strange to me. I mean, why would someone talk about me. I'm crazy and everyone apparently feels I'm likely to be carted away by the police for indecent exposure but otherwise I'm pretty boring. The NP folks described me to John and wonderful and terrifying all at once. LOL What a kick ass way to be described to someone-- wonderful and terrifying. I'm not sure if I should be bothered by this or rather pleased.

On my way home I realized that I went out without Sean for once. I mean we aren't like sutured together at the hip or anything but I met all these people through him and it hadn't hit me yet that these are my friends now too even without Sean. It was a nice thing to realize.

I should go to bed and get some sleep now. I'm tired and Mika has pinned me down with her monstrous six pounds of sleep inducing kittyness. I checked on Nala before laying down and she was looking good. Another busy day tomorrow I suspect. Was gonna write tonight but will have to make it up in the morning.

*yawns* Night LJ.
seorgia: (Pastry: Pastry Works)
( Oct. 16th, 2008 09:39 pm)
Today was a mixture of really good and really good. Okay make that really good, rather painful, and really good. Day started early with me being unable to sleep at night and only getting 2 hours. No big surprise there. I woke up early baked a chocolate cake for Wyatt's birthday than showered and hit the road for traffic court. They hit me up for money but no points and I left happy. Went shopping for cake supplies and came home to start the cake. During all of this I was dealing with sharp stabbing pains in my lower back. TMI Girl Stuff ) As I was saying, I came home started to decorate the cake which meant making a white chocolate ganache for the filling than taking a nap cause I needed it.

The rest of the day was taken up with cake decorating (yay!) and hanging with my housemates. I dropped the cake to Wyatt and came on home. I had planned on hanging with people in NP but after talking with Wyatt and dropping the cake my back said 'Go Home' and home I went. At present I'm listening to my children trying and quietly walk around upstairs after lights out. *sigh* Too tired to go yell at them again. If they get loud enough I'm sure another adult will get them. one of the perks of a poly household.

Back to relaxing the kinks out of my lower back now.

Oh and for those curious about the cake, I made him an X-Box 360 with two controllers almost entirely out of chocolate ^_^ Teehee


Mmmm edible controller
seorgia: (Emotion: Lost)
( May. 8th, 2008 05:04 pm)
I should be at a party right now. I promised I would go and bring something with me but I'm not there because I can't stomach the idea of watching Wyatt turn away from me to look elsewhere.

It shouldn't be this way. That shouldn't effect my decision to go or stay at a party but it still does. I shouldn't still be wrapped up in a friend who doesn't want to even look at me. I shouldn't but I am. If I can avoid being near him or even the chance of being near him for another week or so it won't be an issue until the fall and maybe I'll have stopped caring by then. You never know.

I was at another party he also attended a few days ago. It was at a bar and I had my game face on. I was being charming and cute which is what I do at parties and gatherings. I can make almost anyone like me if I try. They may not stay that way but people generally like having me around. I'm good at being fun to be around. It is a talent like being good at baking or swearing, just something you learn how to do to survive. So I'm at this party and I go to the bar to order Chocolate Cake Shots because I've convinced everyone to try them and soon I am literally surrounded by the rest of the party and getting them to laugh and order shots with me and Wyatt is right there but not laughing and he won't order shots. When I come up to where you order I have to be near him and as i walk up there is the normal skittering glances. I can always see when he looks my way because I'm usually watching without looking his way. I'm stealthy like that. He is nursing a beer and talking with Jess. We get the shots and there are jokes and things and he turns around away from it all-- away from me. Me, who like a moron, is standing right there next to him because I was being stupid and polite or something. Who knows what I was thinking but it was stupid because that is what stuck with me. After the excuses and the leaving the turning away is what stuck with me. A whole party, new people, lots of attention and that's what sticks. Who even knows what or why he turned away. I'm probably being egotistical and paranoid that it had anything to do with me but that's what it felt like.

So today I stayed home because even if that isn't what it was I don't want to deal with that happening again today. I don't want to see his skittering glances again and again and then watch him walk away or turn the other way. I don't want to see him around campus and know that even if I'm in the same room with the same group he won't greet me. I've got to write this all out and get it out of my head though. I stopped syndication to my Facebook because everyone on there knows both of us and I don't really want to share this over there. Maybe if I write it out more often it will get out of my head. None of this should matter at this point but it still does because I'm stupid. Kibble is right. I always hold onto the people that kick me in the face the hardest and I'm trying to stop.

*sigh* I guess that's all for now. I'm actually a bit tired. I was up stupid early today. I'm still getting used to the meds and the timing of them. Maybe I'll take a quick nap before dinner. Bye LJ.
I have changed my mind partly about the man-hatred thing. I hate one or three men and that is enough.

On a better note class was boring but I then went and hung out with Sean, Matt P., and their across the hall neighbor Ryan. It was a blast. There was one some dark spot on all of this but I mostly ignored him and was ignored in turn. Yay. :(

Anyhow the new kid is wicked cute and funny as hell. Sean, Ryan and I then walked around campus a bit and talked gaming and other way fun things. It was super nice. I now have a new game I must try out now. That's all I need another vid game addiction. I invited the two of them over at some point for cooking lessons and to watch some kick ass cooking shows. I now must play some more pokemon here real soon. *chuckles* I love geeking about games and shtuff.

Squee so yay good afternoon. I have fed my sourdough starter babies and soon they will be ready for consumption bwhahaha. Mmmm consuming your pets teehee


Squeeeeeeeeeeee! I need this shirt!!!!! Someone love me enough to buy me this shirt! OMG LURVE!!!@!!!!!


OMG PWNIES
seorgia: (Sexy: Hip Swing)
( Apr. 17th, 2008 10:10 pm)
That's it I've decided I hate all men. All of you! Do you hear me over there? Hmm? You over there are you a man? Yes, well I hate you. You and you and you and oh yeah especially you. All of them. You with the large penis I hate you slightly less but still I hate you. And you and you and you and good gods everyone of you ARGHHHHHHH!

I am going to kick something I swear to god. Especially Air Sign men. All of them are full of the fail and I hate them. Yes you hear that Geminis and Aquarius' and Libra's? You are all fucking retards I have decided. Every damned one of you.

Fuck you stupid "if you do not learn from your past you are doomed to repeat it". Fuck you in the ear!

If you want to know how I am, just fucking ask me you unmitigated moronic male creature. Jesus I could just fucking kick you. And don't get that look on your face. *shakes finger at him* This is so stupid I could spit. Both of us asking our mutual friends how the other one is doing? Jesus just fucking ask me, you horrible bastard of a mutant pustule.

Argh why does my life repeat itself? Who did I maim in a past life to deserve this? And none of the Kheprians are allowed to answer that question, especially you Gryphon. I see you over there. *glares*

I don't even know why I'm writing this. You're never gonna see this post. Even if you do read it you are ignoring me! Here's a fucking tip from me to you. I HATE FUCKING BEING IGNORED. Do I need to repeat myself a little louder?


I HATE BEING IGNORED!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HATE IT!

Mother Christ on a pogo stick it is like hitting my head into a wall. Ooooo I could just scream at the stupidity of all of this. Fuck it I will. I'm going to scream and then I'm going to go kill some of my sims. Their digital deaths are now on your head. FUCK.

God damnit I hate men! Grrrrr *kicks a puppy*! I'm gonna make a little digital Lassie and I'm going to burn it alive. Do you hear me? Grrrr.... hate it, hate it, hate it. Gonna kick you next time I see you. Oh yes from out of no where just going to wander up and kick you in the shin. Don't care anymore about being nice. Going to kick you. I'm not nice, I'm Seo. Seo's are not nice. So gonna kick you. Not even going to explain just gonna do it. Gonna wear boots to school from now on so I know it will hurt.

Grrrr.... *stomps off to wreak digital destruction*
seorgia: (Emotion: Sadness)
( Apr. 12th, 2008 01:28 am)
Kibble is visiting which is all sorts of great. I wish we could visit more often. I so miss the furbutt. Anyhow I introduced him to Chocolate Cake Shots. We watched some TV and have mostly been hanging out in the same room each on a computer. Sad but true.

We were talking about stuff that has been happening recently and he said something terribly insightful in regards to me. He said "You aren't very good at hating people like that. You tend to hold on to people who kick you in the face." Funny how true that is and always has been. Kibble is one of the few people I can talk with about emotions and stuff who either doesn't leave me feeling worse or leave me annoyed at them being unable to understand me. He always seems to get to what is bothering me and help me lay it out proper like.

Anyhow I'm tired but knowing me I'll just end up staring at the ceiling for a while so I'm not too hyped to head to bed yet. We are helping Furball and Carla move tomorrow. Large amounts of driving and hauling of stuff is in my future.

I'm so tired today. I was going to go to the movies but I'm just exhausted and I can't seem to get unexhausted. *sighs* Probably the hormones being all weird. Oh well. Insomnia loves me.

And since I'm tired I've become a hypochondriac. Here is my conversation with Kibble.

Me: I think I'm getting fatter.
Kibs: You just said you think you are retaining water.
Me: Yes getting fatter. Do you think I'm getting fatter?
Kibs: That's not the same thing dear.
Me: You didn't answer the question.
Kibs: No dear. I don't think you are getting fatter (smart man)
Me: How do you know?
Kibs: I look at you more then you look at you.
Me: Well my boobs are getting bigger.
Kibs: Thank God for that.

A few minutes later....

Me: I think I have terminal insomnia.
Kibs: You do not have terminal insomnia.
Me: It's a real disease, look it up. They say only like six families have it and they are all Italian. I'm Italian. I could be a descendant of one of those six families.
Kibs: I think you just need more dick in your life.
Me: Yes that's true.
Kibs: That's means you don't have terminal insomnia.
Me: I'm not sure I agree with that statement.
Kibs: Yes dear.

Teehee what other fun things can we talk about.
To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~George Lansdowne

How do you say goodbye to someone? What special things do you need to say and what can you leave go? Goodbyes are the hardest thing in the world. To condense down all that feeling into a few simple words seems so impossible. There are times when you must do it, there is no other choice; but what do you say?

"I miss you. I'll always miss you." Are these good things? How do you write a goodbye? I think you put everything you are and ever have been on the page in as few words as possible. You lay it all out and you give everything because goodbyes can be forever. This is the last thing they will have of you. Goodbyes aren't always bad. I guess I like closure in my life a lot. Or maybe I just always have something more to say later. I just need to say goodbye that one last time because sometimes that's all there is left to do.

So I wrote my goodbye and now I'm sending it. I'm gonna miss people. I'm gonna miss um a lot but sometimes goodbye is okay. Not happy but okay.

Funny how the world boils down to okay. You wake up as a child and you think the world will be happy and ecstatic but it isn't. Happiness is a split second of wonderful and an hours of work.

LOL this isn't an emo post though I can see where it rather reads like one. I'm really okay right now. I'm sad but not broken just a bit sad. It is okay to be sad. So many people want to cover up when they are sad. We are a culture built upon the idea that you must be happy and if you aren't happy something is wrong and here is a little pill to fix it. Now I take some of those pills but they make the chemicals in my brain normal. I'm not happy all the time. I can be sad and hurt and depressed but to a normal level and that is okay. Right now I'm .... I'm good. I take pains to move my life forward over every bump and hurtle. I fall down and scrap my knees and as long as I pick myself up and keep going I count that as a win. I'm not going to end in first place but I don't care.

So yeah I'm okay. I'm sad and I'm really missing people in my life who have gone away or who are going away. Funny how many people come and go in you life over a period of time. I'm only 26 and there are so many holes where people used to be. I never stop missing them but it fades to the back of my head. I don't think you should stop missing people. If you are important to me you'll always be important to me and I'll always miss you even if you aren't around and can't be around.

So *raises glass* here's to the people I miss. Everyone who is gone from me, everyone I don't see much, everyone I see all the time but wish I could see more, everyone I've ever loved just a little bit. I hope your lives are good and happy because that's what we strive for everyday and that's what you should live for.
seorgia: (Emotion: Power)
( Apr. 5th, 2008 12:21 am)
I never have found the perfect quote. At best I have been able to find a string of quotations which merely circle the ineffable idea I seek to express.
~Caldwell O'Keefe

Silence is a text easy to misread.
~A. A. Attanasio

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
~Ben Stein

Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
~Walter Anderson

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
~Eddie Rickenbacker (1890 - 1973)

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?
~Shantideva

Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.
~Christina Baldwin

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
~Katherine Mansfield

In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions within the space of seven breaths. Lord Takanobu said, "If discrimination is long, it will spoil. " Lord Naoshige said, "When matters are done leisurely, seven out of ten will turn out badly. A warrior is a person who does things quickly.''
When your mind is going hither and thither, discrimination will never be brought to a conclusion. With an intense, fresh and undelaying spirit, one will make his judgments within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.
~Hagakure

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
~Paulo Coelho quote

Every minute you are thinking of evil, you might have been thinking of good instead. Refuse to pander to a morbid interest in your own misdeeds. Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again.
~Evelyn Underhill

Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.
~Aristotle

It’s the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter.
~Marlene Dietrich

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
~Arthur Golden

Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.
~Dr. David M. Burns

Sometimes it seems like God is difficult to find and impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things that we can focus on. What we forget is that God's love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them.
~Matthias

In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.
~Robert Heinlein

EVERY path may lead you to God, even the weird ones. Most of us are on a journey. We’re looking for something, though we’re not always sure what that is. The way is foggy much of the time. I suggest you slow down and follow some of the side roads that appear suddenly in the mist.
~Real Live Preacher

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
~Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
~Benjamin Franklin

Live well. It is the greatest revenge.
~The Talmud

“Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.”
~Victoria Holt

The world moves. The world shifts. I never forget and I never regret.
I've decided the entire last week from Thursday to Thursday sucked and I refuse to believe in it anymore. As such I'm going to find me some vodka and drink until there is only blackness.

I spent the latter part of today with Jesse cooking and baking up a storm. This part of my day did not suck. Of course with my mood falling to the floor every few moments I cannot guarantee I was very good company. I did get all the food cooked I was planning on so that was a win. I also managed to cover myself with floor and sugar and god only knows what else. Oh and beer later on when I was gargling the theme to the Love Boat. What can I say I get strange at times. The cake got compliments from everyone who saw it. Evidently I'm really good with an airbrush and shading. It tastes pretty good though I HATE the oven in the dorm. It turns off all the time. I kept wondering why the cake was taking so long to cook and then part of it fell in. *sigh* It seems the oven was off during the later part of the cooking. GRRRR! Anyhow it still looks and tastes spectacular and I can't wait for people to try it tomorrow. Hehehe it looks scary real even on the inside. Hehehe I am evil

My boobs hurt again. They are officially bigger as well. I'm not sure what to do about them. Even my loosest bras don't fit and they ache all day. Then I take the sucker off and it is like Christmas has come early it feels so good. Evidently it is cause my hormones are all screwy (which could account for my moods swings being worse then a pregnant woman's). So do I buy new clothing or just wait it out. *hangs head* You are evil boobies. You get no biscuit. Just the powdered sugar I poured all over you earlier in the kitchen. Damned powdered sugared boobies.

The hormone driven mood swings also explain why I can't stop crying about things I should have gotten over by now. Of course I will never admit out loud that maybe I'm pushing myself too hard. That would be admitting I'm not entirely god-like and we can't have that. Seriously though if I could just get over things and move on like I planned then well I would figure things would be better. Because this limping along being upset and crying all the time like a little bitch is just unacceptable. And besides tears never change anything. If there is one thing I've learned over the years that crying when you lose people doesn't fucking do anything so what's the point? Tears don't mean anything other then you are weak. Accept your loss and move the fuck on. You fucked up or they fucked up or something fucked up and now you deal with the pain. You burn that shit out of your head and you rip out your guts and leave it on the floor behind you. Move the fuck on, crying doesn't change things. Living is painful, so what else is fucking new?

Oh and Kibble you are a bastard! Come online and talk with me you little shit. We keep missing each other and I blame you because I am the girl and therefore it is not my fault. :P

Okay maybe I'll go stare at my ceiling for a while until I feel like posting again. I have two tests tomorrow in school. Yay!
I just had a dream that I was up late at night and went out to find Wyatt to see if he wanted to hangout and if he was doing okay cause he had been hurt (previous part of the dream where he took some damage to the chest. The stitches were stupid realist and fairly disturbing). It took me a while because I was sick and having issues driving the car and could barely stay awake. I had forgotten to text him on AIM before leaving. Then I finally found his house saw a light on inside and was going to text message him to come out "You awake? How are you feeling?" when I suddenly remembered we weren't talking. I had the phone in my hand and it was just like... well anyhow nuff said. Then I drove off to find something to drink like orange juice cause I was thirsty, sick, emotionally fucked, and tired. While at the late night shopping area some strange man comes up to me to shop and starts talking to me about his theories on life (this happens to me in RL and now I guess in my dreams as well). It was almost like being hit on. The strange dance you do when you are being polite but you don't want them to ask you out because then you must say no. He was older. White with an odd whitish blue streak in his light brown hair on the right side. His name began with an A or something, like Andrew or Andy. He looked kinda like someone I know but don't know well. He was telling me about how he didn't respect a girl who said no when a guy asked her out. He had some sort of reason, something like if you didn't find the person repulsive you should say yes just to test the waters out or something. It was all strange. I kept backing away while trying to be polite and get my damned OJ and chocolate ice cream cookie. Then a dude who worked at the store came to restock the food and I realized I was dreaming and was really tired/upset. Then I woke up because I was sick of my dream. Thank you psyche for being so fucking subtle. Fuck off and die.

Oh and no more surgery shows for me for a while. Seeing realistic stitches in a friends chest and knowing why they were there was a bit much for me. Funny thing is I didn't watch any tonight. That was last night.

Alright no more sleep for a while. I'm going to go find something to drink and watch some crappy TV.
Tags:
seorgia: (Seo: What Makes Me Real?)
( Mar. 29th, 2008 02:28 pm)
Oh look it is 2:30 and I'm just getting up. Thank you WoW for keeping me up later then I intended. I actually woke up much earlier for a while and just stayed in bed listening to the horrendously loud sounds of my children playing and romping through the house. I really quite missed them all. They were playing some game based on the chaotic deck I think.

Oh well, I had gotten less then 15 hours sleep for the past four days so it was good to crash for a while.

I feel rather odd right now. I wish my life was different in some ways. No, that's not true. I wish I didn't have to make some choices I know I needed to make. I want a fairy tale that doesn't exist; everyone wants that and making those horrible choices is part of being an adult. Making sure I stay sane as possible and working towards being a better person is important. That means sometimes I'm not happy with what I have to choose but I do it anyway. I wish knowing this made it easier like you get some magical instant grown up card that lets you rip out your guts and not feel it when you turn 18 but you don't get anything that wicked. When you are young it looks easy to be a grown-up. You see your parents making hard choices but you don't really see it. I watched my mother do things that amaze me as an adult today but as a child I was too self-centered to really see beyond what I wanted. You look at your parents and can't wait to be them. You can't wait to drive and drink and be free to do what ever you want but you aren't free and somehow that seems like the cruelest joke.

I miss my Clan. I mourn the choices I had to make to keep me sane. I know I am better off now then I would be had I stayed and let things continue to deteriorate but I still miss them. It was a family unlike the one I had now and it hurts still that they are gone. Not all of them are lost to me but if you have five brothers and two you no longer talk to do the remaining three make everything alright? Of course not but that is how it has to be at times. I miss my father. I wonder about him at times. Should I go find him? Should I let him die without ever talking to him again? What if I find him now and he destroys all the good memories I have of him as a child. How do I want to remember my father? As the man who taught me to fish, to defend myself, and to laugh at everything or the druggy I'm told he has become? I'm not sure and I know that clock is running out. I'm not even sure how to find him anymore.

Finally, I mourn the present choice I am making. It is one I do not make lightly and hate the doing of but I feel I must. I can't do what I did with Roger again. I can't have another year and a half of not knowing where I stand with a friend I'm close to, I'm just not strong enough anymore. I wish I wasn't this weak but it is no ones fault this time. The deeper I let you in the more solid I need the ground I stand on to be. I'm not good at sharing what I really feel. I'm not good at feeling things at all really. At times I've described myself as I functional sociopath and I mean it. Some behaviors I've just plain had to learn by rote, by watching people around me interact and mimicking them. It sounds like what everyone does but it isn't quite like that. Maybe my present choice reflects that most of all. I care about his feelings. I really do. I understand he needs time to deal with things and that him not wanting to talk is reasonable. Neither one of us did anything wrong to one another, though maybe I am, at present, doing something horrible. But the not knowing makes me insane. The not talking drives me crazy. All of it eats my attention and destroys my concentration. If I was a teenager and the worst I had to worry about was getting up and going to high school maybe I could do it but I doubt it. It tore me up then too but I just... well that's a different topic.

I don't want to be an adult. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum the likes of which Gwennie can barely imagine. I want to yell and cry and hit him and talk to him and shake the world to dust but I'm not going to. I'm going to be an adult and stay the present course. He needs time to deal with the changes in his life and I can't give it to him, not and have him as a part of my life. I wish I was stronger because he isn't asking much ad he deserves that time. I wish I wasn't so broken. But I'm none of those things and all I can do is try and be as sane, as healthy, as I can be for my family and for myself. That means saying goodbye to a friend I care about. Not because he is horrible or asking for something unimaginable but because I just can't deal with so much uncertainty.

I guess I'll go run my errands for the day. I should probably eat something since I didn't bother to yesterday.
seorgia: (Default)
( Oct. 24th, 2007 01:53 pm)
Okay, seriously, it can't be too illegal to strangle my microeconomics teacher now can it? I mean, I don't want to kill her or anything but just enough damage so she can't talk at us for an hour and a fifteen minutes. Seriously I mean it can't be all that illegal? And it would be so therapeutic. That counts for something doesn't it? My mental health has to mean something to someone besides my housemates. I'm used to the idea of being crazy. I've had 25 long years to understand that I'm bug nuts; this class is just not helping. Neither is my Financial Accounting course. This shit is almost enough to make me want to change my majors. Almost. What keeps me going is the knowledge that I'm not going to college to become either an accountant or an economist. I know I'll be good at what I want to do. Fuck this shit.

Christ I'm tired, horny, and now fucking jittery as hell since I decided a latte was the only way I was getting through this day. All I've had to eat today is like 5 fruit roll ups and three bites of the sandwich K made me for breakfast. I suppose I'll eat it for lunch but I don't really feel like eating. Ever get tired of eating? I suppose that is a really weird thing to get tired of doing but I'm kinda bored with the idea of eating lunch. Guess I'm not hungry enough to bother. I also really want sushi. They have some in the SUB but the requires me to go over there and spend money which is another thing I don't want to do. Damn I'm too lazy to feed myself. That's just sad.

Handed off the cupcakes to Wyatt I promised him last night. He was happy which made me extra happy after dealing with that crap-happy economics class. Stupid teacher let us out late and I almost missed the hand off. God I hate that class. At least I'm not the only one in the class who thinks the teacher sucks. We spend the time before class bitching about her and it somehow makes the first 30 or so minutes okay. Then I get bored and start nodding off. This leads to daydreaming about lascivious or homicidal things. That class is having a very bad effect on my daydreaming habits.

Okay I should stop bitching but I'm really twitchy and I have an hour and a half before my next class. Hmm not sure I've done the reading for that class yet. Well that gives me something to do at least.

EDIT: (You get an edit because I'm sure another post will drive you all nuts.)Common Errors in English ~cool site I just ran across while dicking around between classes. I'll be the first to admit I use some really non-standard grammar when posting and speaking but I do generally know the proper format, I just like my own speech patterns better. Anyhow cool site to surf so you too can play Grammar Nazi with your friends. BTW am I the only one who always pronounces Nazi with a 'T'? Half the time I have to remind myself not to spell it with one. But I love spelling bastardizations. Ahh Poe our birthday is not the only thing we share. See Poe made up words all the time and no one stares askance at him, why is it so weird when I do? Hmm time to stop babbling.
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