Anger. I'm an angry person. I'm full of hate and fire and blood. I would have no problem slitting someone's throat and bathing in their blood if it came to that. I find the idea of it kind of hot actually. In my guts is this pit of rage that never really goes away or gets any better. I'm not sure why I have it but I know it is there. I resist hurting people and myself because I'm a better person than that; stronger than the urge to scream and fucking beat people into a pulp but I still want to. I was chatting with Kae today about such things. How I'd just feel better if I could beat the ever living shit out of a specific person. It is a very typical masculine response actually. I have seen where guys can get into fights and once they've beaten each other enough the fight is over. Now before you get your panties in a twist I know this isn't always true and (obviously) not always a guy thing but usually girls react in a different fashion. Anyhow, good or bad that's all I want to do. I want to hurt them in a very physical way. I guess I care too much in an emotional sense to go there because emotional pain is just plain worse (atleast in my mind). If I take a cane and smack you around a bit your body will heal given enough time and it will be a very physical sort of pain. A pain you can see and I can see and both of us can see that there was some result of what you did to me. I can feel better and you can fall off a bridge after that for all I care. Actually, I'd be fine after that and consider all debts paid and the matter closed. Emotional pain on the other hand is a little deeper. I could do that to if so inclined. I'm a sneaky bitch and I know where things hurt.

Is it wrong to want to hurt someone because they hurt you? All sorts of books tell you that such things are better off not being done. Turn the other cheek at all that but does that make you a doorstop? When does being polite because you know better then to make a scene become something other then being polite? When is it okay to give into the urge to slug somebody in the face? Right or wrong the emotions don't go away. Maybe I'm wrong to feel this way. Maybe I shouldn't be upset. Maybe I should let it go especially since I doubt the person even realizes that I'm upset and why that is. What does this anger serve other than something else to give me a headache from clenching my jaw too tight. And honestly for the most part I did let it go, for a while but I can only do it as long as they aren't in my line of sight. I can even talk rationally about them to other people. I'm not a child to be coddled but by all that is holy I hate them. I'm sure the hate will fade as it takes a lot of emotional investment for me to hate someone for real. You have to have meant something to me and than done something to really piss me off hardcore. Something that the sting of will not fade. Most people just aren't worth the brain space for my hatred. I suppose in a backward sort of way me hating them is a sign of caring. I care enough about you to hate you. How fucked up is that?

Anyhow I'm waiting until my clothing is dry so I can head out to hang with Jenn tonight. We are going to discuss my next tattoo. None of the above really matters all that much. I'm not going to suddenly become some happy fucking non-violent flower. I'm not even sure how one would go about doing that. I'm a violent, blood-thirsty, horny, bitch who enjoys the finer things in life. The fact that one of things I find most fine is the tears of a dove is tangential. *chuckles*
seorgia: (Default)
( Feb. 5th, 2009 03:33 pm)
Since I'm in a piss poor mood let's play translator.

I'm not trying to make things more complicated for you.
TRANSLATION: I'm not trying to make things fucked up but if they become that way too bad for you.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
TRANSLATION: I want to fuck them and I'll just cover it up with this nonsense about love and affection.

I'm worried about you.
TRANSLATION: Quit being so fucking depressed around me you are killing my buzz.

It just happened/I couldn't help myself.
TRANSLATION: I thought about stopping things before they got to bad but wanted it too much to bother controlling myself or putting your needs before my own.

I'm sorry I hurt you.
TRANSLATION: I'm sorry I got caught.

I'm confused about why you thought this was a good idea?
TRANSLATION: What the fuck were you thinking? Did you recently get dropped on your head?

I'm trying my best.
TRANSLATION: I'm doing what I feel is enough and you should be happy that I'm doing that much.

Are we okay?
TRANSLATION: Are you going to hold my being stupid against me any longer?

I didn't mean for this to happen.
TRANSLATION: I didn't mean for this to happen but now that it has you had just better deal with it cause I'm not gonna back track.

Are you angry with me?
No.
TRANSLATION: I can see you are pissed off.
Fuck yes I'm pissed you damned moron. You'd have to be Helen Keller to not realize that.

Got shit to do I'll play more translator later.
seorgia: (Seo: Boobs)
( Feb. 5th, 2009 10:06 pm)
I'm bored so have some memes.

There's at least one person on your LiveJournal that wants to date you or sleep with you. So, let's play Friends With Benefits!

The rules are simple:

* If you want to be in a relationship with the person who posts this, post a comment saying "I'm yours."

* If you just want to sleep with the person and stay friends, post a comment that says "I'd hit it."

* If you would like to go on a date with the person just to see where it goes, post a comment that says, "Are you busy tonight?"

Are you scared? You ONLY live ONCE! The kicker is that you MUST repost this and see if it's true for you.

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